Autism was not talked about openly until recently, and it still seems to be something incomprehensible and frightening. But the more we know about it, the easier it will be for special people and their families. And there are more of them than meets the eye: according to the WHO, about one in a hundred children has autism spectrum disorders, and they occur more often in boys than in girls. In this article, we will tell you how to understand that you are a person with autism and behave appropriately with such people.
Be Prepared and Patient
Public spaces are gradually being adapted for people with special needs so that you can meet them more often now – that’s the good news.
The bad news is that not everyone knows what to expect yet. Autism, or more specifically autism spectrum disorders, is a developmental feature that affects behavior, social, and communication skills: a person with autism may not have them at all, or they may look out of place. Within the spectrum, there may be people with profound forms of autism and people you would never think of as having autism.
What’s more, the same person may have some skills appear, and others disappear throughout his or her life. For example, someone with ASD may not talk at all and may use picture cards instead. Another, on the contrary, will speak a lot and repetitively, especially on a favorite topic. A person with autism may behave unusually to others: shaking their hands, walking on their tiptoes, shrieking, muttering under their breath, and even hitting themselves when stressed.
When encountering such behavior, avoid judgment and curiosity. For starters, look at who accompanies such a person. People with autism are usually with someone close to them – they will tell you how to behave with this particular person.
Be Friendly
There is a misconception that people with ASD avoid contact and do not need it. They do need to communicate; they behave differently and do not respond the way we are used to. They may not respond to cues, ask the same thing over and over again, or simply repeat what they have heard (this is called echolalia). People with autism often seem detached and look right through you, cannot tolerate touch, noise, bright lights, or darkness due to hypersensitivity.
To regulate their condition, they repeat the same movements (e.g., waving their arms) or make monotonous sounds. This can be compared to how some people shake their legs or twirl a pencil in their hand. If you encounter this behavior, be patient and understanding – don’t try to reason with or shame the person if it happens in a public place. Any calls like “be quiet!” or “stop it!” will offend the person with autism and their loved ones and cause them additional stress.
Speak In Simple Sentences
Another myth about autism is that people with this disorder are necessarily brilliant at something, like Dustin Hoffman’s character in Rain Man. Such people can have both high and low levels of intelligence. This does not mean that they do not understand anything, but you must communicate with them uniquely. Do not talk too much; try to use short and clear sentences.
If you see that you do not understand, do not try to explain more or ask counter-questions – repeat again, more simply. Better yet, use gestures, explicit facial expressions, or pictures if you have them handy – people with autism sometimes carry a folder of picture cards. And be sure to pause, give the person time to think about your remarks, and respond.
Be Ready To Help
Going out into the world, especially to a new place, can be highly stressful for a person with ASD. This does not mean that people with autism should sit at home: they are just as interested in going to theaters, museums, or the cinema as the rest of us. Except that most places and events are not adapted for them at all: the lights in a museum may be too bright, the cinema may be too loud, and the play may be too long.
Moreover, people with ASD need to overcome a series of obstacles to get somewhere: there are many people on the subway, and they can be unfriendly. It is up to you to help them feel more comfortable – be attentive and calm. But also be prepared for the possibility that sensory overload can cause a person with ASD to have a breakdown that he or she cannot control.
This can be an outburst of emotion or, on the contrary, a complete disconnection when the person closes down and stops reacting at all. In such a situation, do not try to influence him or her in any way, do not ask questions, do not shout, and do not drag him or her by the hand. It is best to help him find a quiet, secluded place to relax and come to his senses.
Don’t Raise Your Voice Or Touch The Person Without Permission
People with autism are susceptible to external stimuli, so one of the essential rules in dealing with such people is sensitivity. Under no circumstances do not raise your voice, demand eye contact, and do not touch them without permission.
But again, it is all individual, many people with autism categorically avoid touch, but there are also those who, on the contrary, can calm down when they are hugged. The main thing here is to mark the limits of what is permissible and be sure to ask permission. If you think that you are behaving appropriately, but something goes wrong, it never hurts to ask the person accompanying the person with autism how to behave.
Don’t Be Offended By What You May Be Told
People with autism can be overly straightforward. They may even seem to ignore the rules of etiquette or your needs, but don’t forget that they lack accepted communication skills. They may not read your emotions or give them any importance at all. This is unusual, but the important thing to remember is that people with ASD have no intention of hurting you. Also, people with ASD do not understand irony and innuendo, so any conversation with them should be particular.
Don’t Ignore The Person With Autism
This is one important rule that applies to all people with developmental or physical disabilities. Speaking only to an attendant (whether an aide to a person with autism, in a wheelchair or visually impaired) is not just a bad tone.
By talking as if “over the head” of the person with a disability, you emphasize their otherness, their exclusion from the life of “normal” people. This will only increase the feeling of loneliness, of being misunderstood, which such people constantly face – and it is essential, on the contrary, to help them to be in society.
Don’t Tell Parents Of Children With Autism How To Behave
Unsolicited advice is a violation of other people’s boundaries and unnecessary attention that will cause the person with autism and his or her companion stress, shame, or irritation.
Rest assured: parents and loved ones of people with special needs know their needs better than you do.
Delicacy comes in handy here as well: Don’t comment on the parents’ and child’s actions; act as if nothing strange is going on. It only makes sense to intervene when someone’s actions threaten the person’s safety with a disability or if you see that help is needed.
For example, the mother doesn’t know where to go, and you are aware that there is a quiet, empty room around the corner. But even then, be sure to clarify correctly whether your help is needed to begin with.
Don’t Let Others Bully People With Special Needs
Finally, another way to make the world more inclusive is not to avoid the topic and openly discuss how to treat and help people with disabilities. If you have children, it’s worth telling them that different people may have different needs, but they all deserve love and respect.
Don’t be afraid that this is a complex topic: it’s enough to explain to your child that other children who are different from them are no worse off and that some of them need more help and attention. And also talk not only about what children with autism cannot do and emphasize what they can do.